It’s November – the month loved by pyromaniacs, despised by open toed shoe salesmen. But what’s November really all about? Here at HTGAIT we’ve secured an exclusive interview with the most autumnal of months to find out what she’s got coming up, plus the truth behind those rumours!
HTGAIT: Hi, Thanks so much for doing this interview! I’ve never interviewed a month before – I’m very excited.
NOV: That’s alright.
HTGAIT: So let me kick off by saying how great you look. Have you done something different with your… er?
HTGAIT: Ah okay, well you look lovely in any case. (awkward pause). So November! Can you let our readers in on any tid-bids of what we can expect from this month? Er *spoiler alert* for those who don’t want to know the future – ha ha!
NOV: (sounding bored) Well there’s obviously your standard events – Bonfire Night, leaves falling off the trees, Christmas lights being turned on….
HTGAIT: (interrupting) Don’t forget Halloween! I love Halloween.
NOV: That’s October.
HTGAIT: Oh right…. Yeah, but you get the post midnight bit right? That’s always the best bit of the party anyway – everyone’s scary makeup is smudged and people are just starting to get pissed and interesting. (attempts conspiratorial wink and elbow nudge)
NOV: All Hallows Eve is by definition ‘the eve’ – the 31st of October. The 1st of November is All Hallows Day.
HTGAIT: Oh right, so what happens on All Hallows Day then? Is there more dressing up, trick or treating and pumpkin carving? I love pumpkin carving!
NOV: No. It’s a solemn occasion to honour the saints.
HTGAIT: Right…. So what happens exactly?
NOV: (Pauses to think) Well, in some churches they sing the hymn ‘For all the Saints’.
HTGAIT: (Waits to hear if there’s more. There’s not.) Sounds great.
NOV: Look I wouldn’t call it a November highlight. You brought it up.
HTGAIT: No, no, of course not. (consults notes) So um… tell us something about yourself we might not know?
NOV: Well we’ve got Prince Charles’ Birthday coming up on the 14th.
HTGAIT: (punching the air) Woohoo, the birthday of a minor royal! Who needs pumpkins when you’ve got that?
NOV: I would hardly deem the first in line to the throne a ‘minor royal’.
HTGAIT: No, no of course not. I love Prince Charles. He makes great jam and he’s got very respectable hair. So what happens on his birthday then?
NOV: He’s going to be 67 this year.
HTGAIT: And what’s the form, does Camilla bake him a cake? What’s little Prince George giving him this year? Do they all sing Happy Birthday at the palace? Is the Queen a really bad singer?
NOV: I’m um… I’m not privy to that kind of information.
(Awkward pause. HIGAIT consults notes for another question)
HTGAIT: Okay, so… ah here’s one – How would you respond to your critics who say you’re nothing but rain and dark evenings and yet you’re still a really long way from Christmas. Basically you’re depressing.
NOV: (looking upset) People really say that about me?
HTGAIT: Well, yes… surely you knew?
NOV: (Sniffing) Well I’ve never heard it put so… so meanly before.
(NOV starts silently sobbing)
HTGAIT: BUT they also say, you know, toffee apples and leaves going red, and jumping in puddles and… and er… you get to buy your advent calendar! Yeay!
NOV: Oh great, you get to BUY your advent calendars.
HTGAIT: Well it’s something isn’t it?
NOV: Can I go now.
HTGAIT: Um sure, I guess … oh wait, don’t you need to plug that thing?
NOV: Oh (pulling card out of pocket and reading) ‘November is really good for fishing.’
HTGAIT: Amazing! So there you have it people – Good for fishing, who knew. Thanks so much to my guest November, and join me next month when I’ll be meeting everyone’s favourite winter month – December! (reads a note handed in by a colleague) Oh, apparently I won’t. (mouthing to colleague ‘why not?’) Never mind, we’ll talk about it later.